How to overcome walk-away woman syndrome
Kl: You are ..., Robert (sighing), you are the love of my life ... (sighs) it is ... (take a deep breath). You are the last love of my life, and also the greatest. What I felt about you, I never felt before, although ... although, when I loved, it was always bigger than before, ... more than before, ... more unique. But you, with you for the first time I totally consciously took in the time of being in love, of getting to know each other, ... enjoying. And for the first time I quite consciously said to myself, ... enjoy it, ... the time before the first kiss and before the "first time", it is so beautiful, and yet it breaks with the very first kiss. (very deep sigh) And then, and then the realization that all you want is friendship. (The client is crying quietly) Why did you advertise for me? Why did you show me that you love me ... with every gesture? ... And then told me, your heart won't go along with it! (she is desperate again) Why did you let it get this far? You have seen what grows with me, ... bigger and bigger! Why did you wait so long to tell me this? - In her desperate weeping, the client realizes that she shouldn't cry anymore, no longer because of him. She is resigned. - That feeling consumed me. You wanted me to break it! You didn't accept that love isn't just taking, ... it's just there, ... it's beautiful, that it's a good thing, (she sniffs) ... that it was totally ok. But ... your advertising that it also arouses physical longing. It is normal that one then longs to belong together. (she finally reacts indignantly) And it is nonsense what you are telling me ... because you only want what you can't get! You make everything so small! So low! Just because you can't feel! It's just as if you're playing with me, pushing ... not just me, the other women too ... pushing everyone to fall in love with you, and if they don't suffer, you push it until they suffer. And I guess I was really good for you to experiment with! You have savored all phases! Any-how ... you can't be normal! What kind of game do you play with me? You tried every phase, but not even a single kiss came about! Just as if you are holding a piece of sausage in front of my nose and letting me sniff it, and then you pull it away from me again and starve me! And now you're scared! ... That's funny, my nose, which itches.
Therapist: Hmmm, ask her what she wants to say.
Kl: Nose, what is that strange feeling that you are showing me? (The client laughs) I have the right nose.
Therapist: Yes, how does he react to the allegations or statements?
Cl: Yes, that is ... that is strange, it actually happened that way, but I never noticed it that way. You have ..., you have been correct, like ... yes, as if you wanted me ..., me as the woman of your life, you courted me. With attentiveness, with looks, with conversations that lasted for hours, with tenderness. Ha, it's strange what I felt as tenderness in you. Just a touch, put an arm around your shoulder, your hand ..., the nose plug, that's actually not what you normally understand by caresses. And then ... you didn't like my reaction. At first you liked it. Great, a woman againwho totally loves you! But quite different ... (she sighs) And then you get Afraid that you might actually have stirred up love in one of them! Who doesn't care if she gets fulfillment or not. That doesn't ruin this feeling ... that allows it! You can't stand that! And then you start sabotaging me, trying to convince me that I am hypnotized by you like a snake and that I now want to own you. It is not at all! Read the poem I wrote you, that is correct!
Th .: Maybe he got scared? Above all, before his feelings that come up, ask him.
Kl: (takes another deep breath) Are you afraid of your feelings? He mustn't let these feelings come up because otherwise he'll have to deal with his past.
Therapist: What does he represent in you? Because if he makes such statements, or it stands for it at the moment, how about you? Can't you let your feelings come up? Are you afraid of it?
Kl: The control!
Therapist: It is now fused. - The client says yes. - Let's see what he says.
Cl: Yes, if feelings are allowed to arise, they are also coupled with weakness. Whoever feels opens up and whoever opens up is vulnerable and whoever is vulnerable ... What does the past tell me? Yes that's it. And yet I almost always open up ... Just, to intimate encounters, ... that is, when friendships become too intimate, or even ... partnership, because this kind of vulnerability is like ... like a request: come here, hurt me, calmly, i can take anything! I can do everything!
Therapist: what happened? (The client takes another deep breath) Tell it in your memory. Something must have happened to what ... you needed. And you never want to feel that again! - The client says that she shows a lot about herself in normal life, is often injured in the process, but then understands many reactions due to her personal career, despite her current disappointment. She then no longer takes it personally when she's hurt and quickly forgets it.
Kl: But on the intimate side, I'll shut up. And on the ..., yes, everything that has to do with partnership, not partnership in friendship, but actually partnership, I probably shut up, and this ... what we are there ... that's been 2 years from where I once had such a feeling of love again for a very short time, that was ... there was no chance of getting together. - The therapist interjects that perhaps because of what she was doing, she could afford what the client was doing, even though she was not so aware of it.
Therapist: Well, the question still remains as to whether you want to keep this out of your life until the end of your life, or whether you want to win it back again. - So far, the client has always been of the opinion that she has long since finished with this topic. The therapist laughs: Yes, you have, too, already finished. You can probably live without it. He explains to her that if she is sensitive and flexible enough, she would not necessarily get sick, yes, it would be possible. And she is also vulnerable, not yet frozen. -… Except for a little guy who is there deep inside you.
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